This is the anon who wrote about the running away and suicide thing. I’m 20, a sophomore in college. The thing about my boyfriend and best friend is that they haven’t done anything wrong. With my boyfriend, he’s the best guy that I’ve ever known. He’s sweet and he’s caring. But it’s a ldr, he’s getting shipped off to the military soon and I’m sure after this weekend we’re probably never going to see each other again. And with my best friend, we’re still really close. It’s just stupid things that have just been piling up. The fact that I am feeling like I’m always left out and stuff like that. Which doesn’t make sense because we hang out all the time. Or that I feel like I constantly annoy her. It’s all on me, my own insecurities. I thought I would get out of feeling like this when I ended high school, all the whiny teenage angst, that it was just a phase. Now I just feel stuck in my life, like I’m never gonna get anywhere. I don’t even feel passionate about my major or know what I want to do with my life. Nothing makes me passionate. I used to find passion in blogging, in doing the fandom thing where I’d talk to people from tumblr, where I felt like I belonged in this fandom. Now I don’t even feel passionate about this fandom as much anymore, and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m going crazy. I had depression when I was a senior in high school, like clinical depression but this feels nothing like that. Now it just feels like boredom. Like I’m in this deadend, monotonous life.
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Anonymous asked
well this is a really stupid problem but... I might have a stupid little girly crush on one of my boyfriend's friends. I'm obviously not going to try anything with him because I actually do love my boyfriend and have loved him for a pretty long time (and yes I am incredibly attracted to my boyfriend and we have more than enough passion and all that jazz) but it's just bugging me that I might have a crush. It's meaningless, but is this... bad? I don't want to screw up my relationship.
Maybe you should read Vicki’s book.
I don’t think it’s meaningless, but I don’t think it’s bad either. People can’t help who they are attracted to, no matter how they try. In my personal opinion, I think most people are actually wired to be attracted to more than one person at the same time, but they’re also wired to be jealous if their partner were to give someone else attention. So that’s why we don’t cheat.
You can consider telling your boyfriend how you feel, but do think it over first. I guess think about how you would feel if he told you that he still loves you but he also has a crush on one of your friends.
Anonymous asked
For the person with PTSD: I also have PTSD. Mine comes from the prospect of being diagnosed with a disease, with diagnosis delayed so I had a period of time convinced I was dying and could do nothing about it. Until you can get treatment, I find that hearing someone you trust (friend/family/whoever) rationalising your fear helps, eg 'If x was true, then y would have happened, and it hasn't.' Look up grounding techniques for flashbacks also. Things will get better, this does get better, honestly.
Yeah, grounding techniques are a great way to fight flashbacks.
Anonymous asked
I've been suffering from ptsd for almost a year now. It went away for a month or two but it's coming a back again. I don't know what to do. I've talked with my family about it and they don't really think that I have a problem, but I really do. When I go to bed I have flash backs of the event, it takes over me and I feel like I'm drowning. I don't know what to do. :(
PTSD is a serious problem. You need to see a doctor about it. You should go to a general practitioner first, like your family doctor, if you have one; he or she can give you a referral to a psychiatrist. There are two ways of treating PTSD: talk therapy and medication. Both of them work. You can choose to do one, or both. But you do need to be treated.
If you’re under 18 and you need your parents’ permission to go to the doctor, you should explain to them that you are having a hard time and you really need a professional to talk to. They’re probably just in denial because they don’t want to face up to the fact that you are suffering. If they still don’t take you seriously, insist on it. This is your health we’re talking about. You need to take charge of it. - Rebecca
Long-distance relationships, friendships, finding one’s way in life
I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to answer these. I’ve also been having problems with my boyfriend and my best friend and I didn’t feel comfortable answering it.
I think you really need to tell your boyfriend and your friend how you are feeling, in a non-confrontational way. Maybe your friend senses your general feeling of discontent but she thinks that you are angry at her. And you need to tell your boyfriend how you feel about him being in the military. If you’re already in a long-distance relationship (that’s what you meant, right?), then why do you see him going into the military as the end of the relationship?
Overall, you sound mildly depressed. Maybe it’s because of the stress on your life right now. You’re at a transition point and you’re not sure what you want to do. That happens to everyone on occasion. I know this sounds weird, but you might want to try going on a retreat and meditating. Just take a few days off, go someplace where you can be alone, and spend it in silence, no books or TV or Internet. Like go on a short backpacking trip. That’s just my suggestion. I feel like you need to clear your head first.
It is really hard to figure out what you want to do with your life. It’s not so hard to figure out what’s important to you. Think about political issues that you feel strongly about, interests you’ve had since childhood, stuff you like to do on the weekends for fun. Make a list. Do some brainstorming. Then ask yourself, “How can I make the world a better place?” Try to figure out some way you can improve the world. It doesn’t have to be huge. But I think you’ll find that when you start focusing on helping others, your whole outlook on life can change.
I’m not the best person to give advice about having a relationship with someone in the military, but there are many people who can advise you and a lot of support groups for friends and family of people who have been shipped out. If that sounds like what you want you can explore that avenue. Military wives have great advice about this kind of thing, especially about how you can use Skype to do dirty things.
-Rebecca
Anonymous asked
lost my job. little to no prospects. surrounded by people who dislike me/don't care. want it to end. just want it to end.
Well, you can always find a new job. Why are you surrounded by people who don’t like you?
Anonymous asked
I was trying to stay strong and fight for better but after 2 years I can't do it anymore. Everything is going wrong, I don't have any strenght left and I don't have any hope. Everything just hurts so much.
2 years of what? What happened?
Anonymous asked
I asked a long, multi-part question about a week ago but no one seems to have cared to answer. Now I feel like a loser. :(
If it’s the one about the relationship with the boyfriend and the best friend I think it is, I am so so sorry. I’ve been worried about it. I (Rebecca) didn’t feel comfortable answering because I’ve been going through similar problems and I had a really rough week. I asked the other mods to help but nobody responded. I know Amanda’s on semi-hiatus … I don’t know where everyone is. I can’t do this by myself.
I’ll try to answer. I’m sorry. -Rebecca
Anonymous asked
I feel a bit awkward coz I went on omegle and let someone see me naked.
I did that too. -Rebecca
Anonymous asked
I care about him a lot, and we can even jump to saying I love him but honestly if we stayed how we are right now for a long time - I'd be perfectly happy. /same anon as before
Well, if you’re romantically, but not sexually, attracted to him, you may be asexually heteromantic. If you google “asexuality” you can find a lot of information on it. I’m not saying that you don’t have a sex drive or that you won’t enjoy sex if you try it; but if you don’t experience sexual attraction to other people, then you’re asexual. - Rebecca
Anonymous asked
I feel weird asking but better to speak up... I'm almost 20 years old, never had sex and never wanted to due to knowing what it can bring about (kids, relationship woes, sometimes medical things) but it doesn't even really interest me. And I know my boyfriend I've been with for a while now wants to, but he's waiting until I'm ready. What if I'm just never ready or something?
Maybe it’s not a matter of being ready or not. Maybe you truly aren’t interested in having it. Maybe you’re asexual.
If your concern is “medical things” or kids, you should use condoms and a back-up birth control method, but if you just don’t feel like it, there’s nothing wrong with you. You may not be into sex.
Do you feel attracted to your boyfriend? - Rebecca
