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could an also contract HPV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and probably other STDs from oral sex, but listen to me: don’t go looking it up on the Internet. Wait and see. Pay attention to what your body’s telling you. If you notice something weird or wrong, go to the doctor. Otherwise, you shouldn’t worry about it.
If you start to worry about STDs and then look up the symptoms for them, you will psych yourself into believing you have them. So don’t.
Anyway, if you do have an STD, it’s not really a big deal. The majority of adults (60-95 percent) have herpes simplex, and most don’t know that they have it because they have no symptoms. Chlamydia and gonorrhea can be cured wtics antibiotics. It’s not the end of the world if you have an STD. It doesn’t mean anything negative about you as a person.
Pregnancy and disease are risks of sex. It’s just a fact of life. So you have to make decisions about what risks you’re willing to take. Should you be on the pill? Can you get Plan B if the condom breaks? Have you been vaccinated for HPV? All things to think about.
And you mentioned feeling “dirty” afterwards, so let me say this: there’s nothing wrong with letting a guy come in your mouth, as long as that’s what you want to do. It’s okay! Personally, I really like it! So did you want to do it at the time and then felt ashamed afterwards? Or did you feel bad about it while it was happening? Something else to think about.
I don’t know if there’s a part two of this question or not, but I can address your concerns. If you are really worried about HIV, you should get tested. But for most HIV tests, you’ll have to wait a few weeks before you test. It’s really unlikely you have been infected by HIV, though. Unprotected oral is not a really high risk behavior, and he might not be HIV-positive. Here’s what you can do: talk to a doctor and find out when you should get tested. Ask the guy when/if he’s been tested and what the results are. If he hasn’t been tested before or if it was a long time ago, ask him to get tested again so you can know if you were exposed to anything. I think you need to talk about condom use and boundaries as well. If you don’t want him to come in your mouth, you need to tell him that. If you don’t want to do unprotected oral, he needs to know that. I’ll write more in the morning but I have to go back to work.
You should tell her that it’s not okay or normal for them to say those things to her, and that they’re not true. You don’t have to say anything really profound, just tell her the truth and give her help when she asks for it.
It’s important that you remember to respect that she has to make her own decisions about her life. Try to support her and empower her, but avoid lecturing her or telling her what she should do.
Oh, you’re so sweet. Thank you!
Suicide is a loaded issue and it’s difficult to talk about it. I absolutely don’t want to add the feeling of guilt when I know that those who suffer from depression often have crushing and irrational sense of guilt. However, what I said about suicide being “contagious” is true.
It’s difficult for me to write about these things, especially because these issues are very close and personal to me. -Rebecca
I’ve been wanting to kill myself more and more lately. I’ve dealt with some bad depression for a couple years now.
It was worst my senior year of high school, and it just came back now. Nothing is going right, I have no money, I got kicked out of school and my family is making me feel like shit about everything, no matter what I do. I feel like even my best friend is starting to realize what a shitty person I am to be around, and when she gets stressed I’m too wrapped up in my own problems to do anything for her even though I really try.
I’m falling into this depression and it got so bad that one night after a fight with my dad I went into the bathroom and drank almost an entire bottle of Nyquil. It’s something that usually works really powerfully on me, and after a little while I started collapsing and my legs went numb as I started falling asleep. I was sure that I wasn’t going to wake up, and while a part of me felt scared, an even bigger part of me felt relieved.
I’ve been with suicide for a long time, and when I think about it, I probably always had depression, even as a little kid, wishing I wasn’t around, wanting to run away starting when I was only six. I’m tired, and so stressed. I don’t want to take medication. I want to kill myself. I know people would be hurt but I feel like I’m only hurting them more by staying here. I want to tell my best friend but I’m too worried I’ll only burden her and make her sad because she means the world to me and she has her own problems and I don’t want to stress her out more, and this was how I lost all my closest friends when I had a really bad bout of depression my senior year of high school.
They all got so sick of my whining and how I was just always crying that they just stopped being friends with me and stopped hanging around me, and I’m scared I’m going to lose her if I do that, so I keep a lot of it in. But I’m just tired of how it feels like a constant war with myself, and I want it to be over. I want to do this, more than anything. Lately I’ve been trying to figure out how I can kill myself and make it look like an accident, like walking into traffic or go into a bad neighborhood at night or something.
If you came to me and said that your leg hurt and you couldn’t walk on it and a bit of the bone was sticking out of the skin, I’d say that I’m not a doctor but is sure sounds like it’s broken and that you should go to the doctor. For some things you need professional help. I don’t think that your suicidal thoughts say anything bad about you; you’re not crazy or broken or selfish. You are in pain, and this is a serious problem.
I used to have suicidal thoughts very much like yours. When I was in college, I was alone and cracking under the pressure, and I’d fantasize about jumping in front of a car on this busy road I crossed every day. I didn’t find these thoughts distressing; I found them comforting. Now when I look back on them, I think that I was in a severe kind of mental pain and my brain was just looking for a way out, whatever that meant. In other words, I don’t think that in my case the suicidal ideation was my brain malfunctioning, but a symptom of a larger problem. In my case it was an anxiety disorder and after trying different combinations of therapy and medication I settled on medication alone. It works for me.
I’m not saying you should take medicaiton, but I think that you need professional help, the kind that comes from people with degrees in this stuff.
If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for the people you love. You say you’re worried that you’re not able to help your friends deal with their problems, but if you recover you can. You can be there for them, and your experiences will even make you stronger.
And I know for certain that your loved ones will be much more hurt if you kill yourself than if you stick around. In fact, having someone you know commit suicide increases your risk of attempting suicide. In other words, if you kill yourself, you are making it more likely that your friends will try to kill themselves too.
Also, I dropped out of college in my senior year because I couldn’t cope with school-work anymore. It was a really stressful time for me and my parents were really harsh with me. But it’s all worked out, more or less. There is hope for you. You don’t need a degree to have a life, believe me! -Rebecca
Anon, I got your note about the suicidal thoughts and depression and I’m working on a reply. I work during the weekends - my days off are Tuesday/Wednesday - so I don’t have a lot of time right now and I don’t want to half-ass it. But I did get it and I’m thinking about you! - Rebecca
Well, pregnancy can be prevented by use of birth control. If you’re not on the pill, you can use condoms. And you should be using condoms even if you are on the pill to keep from getting STDs, like HIV/AIDS! So condoms. Never have sex without a condom, no matter what BS the guy says.
But anyway, if you want to have sex but you don’t want to get pregnant, consider getting on the pill or getting some other type of hormonal birth control. You still should use condoms, but it’s nice to know that you have a backup in case one breaks or isn’t used correctly. If you’re not on the pill and a condom breaks, take an emergency contraception pill as soon as you can.
But if you’re not sure, maybe you shouldn’t. I don’t think having sex for the first time is really that big a deal, but you do remember it for the rest of your life. If you have doubts or you feel nervous, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Not now.” I’m sure you’ll have no trouble finding someone else if he doesn’t offer again. I didn’t have sex until I was 24 and I don’t regret that at all. -Rebecca
He threatens you because he’s afraid of you telling, which is what you need to do.
Your safety is the most important thing. So, firstly, stay in a safe place which means staying away from your friend’s house. Don’t worry about what she thinks right now, because you can deal with that later. Secondly, you need medical attention, even if you’re not visibly injured, because you need blood tests for infections and pregnancy if you’re female.
Call RAINN’s hotline 1.800.656.HOPE. If you don’t live in the US, you can try using the online hotline. They can give you a lot of information on how to deal with sexual assault.
You can go on Google and search for a rape crisis center in your area and you can call them. They have counselors who are trained to help guide you through whatever you need to do.
Try to break it down into steps that you can take. If you think you can’t face your parents, which I totally understand, you can still take yourself to a medical clinic and the police. They can help you tell your parents or you can keep it a secret. If you don’t want to report the assault to the police, you can still go to a medical clinic and get treated there. It’s really important that you get the right kind of help, professional help, as soon as possible.
I wish you were with me now so I could drive you to the hospital myself. Please keep us posted. I really want to know that you are safe and well. - Rebecca